I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
