When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
