I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
