kristin has been a bad kristin
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
