and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Actions speak louder than pants.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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