apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize