Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
