He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
