so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
