My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
