if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I am spending my child support on dildos
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
