Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
