Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Pants are for mortals
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
