He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
