I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
