he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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