I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
