Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
