Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
