I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
