this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
