maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
