9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize