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Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
