If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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