i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
