There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
