plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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