also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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