dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
The air was thick with penises
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
