Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
