can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
