I want to make a zoo with you.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
