We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize