He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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