I got chris browned last night
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
