Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Randomize
