I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
