I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
you made out with another girl for some wings
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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