I want to stick my p in your. b.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Randomize
