So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
