Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
