Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
