She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
