I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
