On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
