I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I party with great urgency now.
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