i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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