just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
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