bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
