I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Randomize
