You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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