is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I wish there were birth control emojis
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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