Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize