He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
