I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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