She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize