bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Randomize
