i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
