the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
