you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
