Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
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