So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
