On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
