VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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