so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
